Neurodivergent burnout menopausal travelling

Having quit my job this summer (for a wide variety of reasons - to be covered in a future post) my partner and I have set out travelling for a few months. We have both travelled quite a lot in the past and did a 3 months trip together in Asia last year. This time we’ve headed to Central America for another 3 months (now turned into 4 😎) trip to get away from the uk autumn/winter gloom. What’s changed though is my burnout, menopause and adhd diagnosis which are definitely impacting on the trip. We are currently in Nicaragua and 3 months into our trip and I wanted to share some reflections and challenges which I didn’t have/didn’t realise last time round.

I’ve shared other post this year about developments but as summary - In 2023 I had time off work first travelling and then for burnout. This year I found out I’m menopausal at 43 (which really sucks) and also got my adhd diagnosis this summer (not a massive surprise) suspecting that I’ve got a fair bit of autism thrown in there for good measure as well. I’ve had lots of therapy, talking and somatic, and am slowly learning to feel my feeling and my body.

What’s changed since last time we went travelling?

1. I’ve recognised my burnout and menopause and am trying to travel with that in mind

2. I understand my neurodivergence better and how my environment will impact how I feel

3. I’m actually feeling my feelings and am slowly getting better at expressing them

4. My partner and I have gotten a bit better at sharing and understanding each other (and learning more about each other day by day)

Burnout and menopause:

When we travelled last time round I was in full burnout but didn’t realise how bad it actually was. I travelled like I’d been working - full on, quickly and intensely. I didnt let us rest, it was full on every day seeing stuff and moving on quickly. It was only when I got home that I realised how broken I was (see other blog posts). I’ve been determined to do it differently this time! I’ve set us some rough ground rules to help:

• Minimum 3 nights per location. We’ve actually mostly stuck to this and it’s helped a lot. There have been one or two times we’ve intentionally broken this rule, for example in Tikal Guatemala where 1 night is enough in the park itself. Packing constantly and moving is hard work so this has really helped with the exhaustion and logistics (packing cubes have been a really lifesaver though - highly recommended!). I also think that my autism struggles with the constant change and lack of routine (even though my adhd loves it 😂) which leaves me exhausted.

• Being intentional and kind on travel days. Everyone deals with travel days differently. I find them really unsettling and stressful so trying to do anything we can to mitigate that is great e.g. splashing a few dollars on an Uber to save multiple chicken busses, leaving plenty of time to get places, packing the night before etc. Just being aware that I/we will be a bit grumpy on these days helps.

• Not trying to see EVERYTHING! On the last trip I was so set on seeing everything and ticking it off the list. This time we’ve picked the really key places we want to see and then spent a bit longer in each place to build in chill days. Thinking about it, we’d have ‘nothing days’ at home so why try to do so much when you’re travelling?! It’s backfired a couple of times where we’ve stayed a few days too long (Antigua Guatemala was a key example but a lovely place so not too bad).

• Getting to fewer countries and seeing the countries we have properly. In these 4 months we will have been to 3 countries. Technically we did enter Costa Rica but only for a visa run so it doesn’t count. That’s helped a lot as we’ve been able to take our time, go slow and see more of each country without burning out.

• What I’ve realised this trip is that my fear level is much higher than it used to be. I’m constantly thinking and imagining that I’m going to fall, hurt myself, get bitten by a dog etc - it’s exhausting. I know it’s from the burnout and that my nervous system is still out of whack from being in fight/flight/fawn/freeze for so long 😢. It’s something I’ve had to deal with on this trip and am reading ‘The body keeps the score’ to further work through resetting my nervous system. It has been tiring though as there are quite a lot of potentially dangerous situations when travelling and all you can see in your mind is what would happen if you tripped up that step, fell of that motorbike etc.

• Dealing with the menopause symptoms has also been interesting on this trip. I’ve realised that I get full on meno-rage when my oestrogen drops. The kind where you feel like you just have to throw something or hit someone to realise the internal energy. It’s quite something… As I started on HRT this spring it takes a while to get the dose right and you have to up it as your body gets used to it. On top of the travel day grumpiness, occasional lack of sleep and disturbance to the routine, the rage has definitely flared up at times. Being out here I’ve also had to track down more supplies of HRT which was fun and involved a day trip to Managua and several pharmacies - quite the mission but I’m very thankful that you can buy pretty much anything over the counter here!

Neurodiversity:

This has been huge for both me and my partner in understanding ourselves and each other. He’s undiagnosed adhd with very classic hyper and inattentive symptoms. I’m diagnosed combination adhd with more internalised hyperactivity and likely also some autism but that’s not (yet) diagnosed. This definitely causes most of our arguments when travelling:

• Overstimulation (mine). Most of my grumpiness comes from being overstimulated and I never realised until recently - countless fights could have been mitigated over the years... I get easily overstimulated by people, noice, experience/stress, lights etc. So try being on a chicken bus with internal blinking lights in time to the blasting dance music after fighting through a crowded market to get to a busy bus station whilst being stared at constantly and sweating with hair sticking to your neck and carrying a heavy bag 😂. Not sure why I’ve come to Central America - this is an everyday occurrence! Loop earplugs and sunglasses have been a real lifesaver here. I can just about manage it most of the time if I get time to decompress in a quiet cafe or once on the bus but once it’s really bad the only thing that helps is crying. It’s annoying and I hate it as I’m not actually upset, it’s just the only surefire way to regulate my nervous system. I’ve finally managed to explain this to my partner so he gets it. I’ve also found that horizontal time for me is key in regulation. We were on the most horrendous boat journey last week (5 hours turned 7, super rocky seas, vomit everywhere…) and lying down was a real lifesaver for me, both for the motion sickness and to regulate my nervous system and keep me calm.

• Understimulation (his). Whilst I crave time in nature staying in secluded hotels in the mountains my partner craves stimulation (the watching tv whilst flicking through TikTok videos whilst listening to music kind). If we stay anywhere secluded for too long we have to go to a mall or somewhere just so he can get his ‘buzz’ whilst I put my Loop earplugs in and hide in a corner. It’s definitely proved challenging travelling together but somehow we manage it.

• Increased sense of justice. I think this is a part of the Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria and means we both need things to be very equal and just between us (really we’re like children arguing over the bigger half of a cookie 😂). This is a tough one as I do most of the logistics and get upset as he’s not doing his share (our last trip was nicknamed the potato tour as it was me dragging around a sack of potatoes (him) doing all the planning and logistics whilst he barely knew what country we were in). We are trying to remedy this on this trip and my partner is definitely stepping up. With his adhd he also HATES being told what to do so that’s also been challenging…

• My autistic sense of urgency vs his adhd scatty brain. This gets us EVERY single time we go out. I need to just get ready and leave straight away whilst he forgets everything and takes ages. It drives me up the wall and often results in his declaring he’s not going and just wants to stay home but we get through it every time. Usually one of us a regulated enough to be the adult but it’s a constant struggle especially in travel days when there has to be a triple room check (his requirement). We are working through it and getting better at being patient with the other.

• Masking (lack of it with each other). As we’re going through the diagnosis journey and self discovery that comes with it we are both unmasking more and more with each other which in itself causes interesting issues. Especially with the constant company when travelling it is quite intense and we’re both seeing each other in a new light and realising how weird we really are. We keep to ourselves a fair bit so it makes it harder and harder to get the mask back up when talking to fellow travellers. My partner quite enjoyed this ‘performance’ whilst I find it tiring so am finding myself withdrawing more and more in social settings.

• I’m not sure what it is with neurodiverse people and rocks…but we’re not carrying about a kilo of random rocks in our luggage 😂. Every time we’re at a beach, volcano etc rocks must be collected. I prefer the more sensory smooth ones whilst my partner goes for more visuals.

• Dressing for neurodiversity whilst travelling. As I’ve started to feel my feeling more my whole dress sense has changed! I’m now so aware of anything uncomfortable, clingy, scratchy and won’t put up with being uncomfortable which has really affected my travel clothes. Last time I wore mostly leggings, this time they are much to clingy and leave my legs too hot. Hiking shoes I’m putting up with but struggling and much prefer sandals. This time I’m also starting to overcome my body hate of my legs and actually wearing shorts! Big step for me and feeling so good with the air on my legs!

What’s helped?

I’ve clearly got a lot of things to deal with but do still enjoy travelling despite it all. That said, it can be exhausting so what helps has been packing a few essentials:

1. Fairy lights! This has been a real saver! Staying in rooms with only a dreaded ‘big light’, some sensory lighting is key

2. Not skimping on the loungewear clothing. Being able to get changes into the comfies after a long day exploring or hiking is key.

3. Loop ear plugs - a must! Especially on travel days and being able to dim down at least one sense when all senses are on overload

4. Eye mask. I’m not keen on having stuff on my face when sleeping but this has been a real saviour when you’re sensitive to lights

5. Electrical tape! Bit of a weird one but I can’t sleep if there are lights in the room, for example on a charger, tv etc so being able to easily cover the little lights with tape is great!

Travelling whilst menopausal, recovering from burnout and neurodivergent is definitely a challenge but it’s totally doable and greatly enjoyable (even with someone)

I hope you’ve enjoyed this read! Please subscribe on the main page to follow along on the journey 😊