Ten things I’ve learnt from having ten months off work

I was off work for just over ten and a half months in 2023. What started as a well earned sabbatical turned into a much needed burnout recovery. I can honestly say that taking this time out has been the best thing I've ever done!

My time off splits into 3 parts - firstly three months travelling; then 3 months resting and recovery then 3 months of heavy duty therapy (still continuing). Now I'm off back to work part-time (see returning to work blog post) and reflecting on this time off and what I've learnt (mostly the hard way):

1. Resting is hard

I don't think I've still figured this out but I'm trying. The achievement drive is so embedded along with resting guilt from being a child - overcoming this has been hard. I did manage to take a full duvet day the other week though. I'm very proud of this!

2. I am not my job (and not working is actually not boring!)

I always thought that I wouldn't know what to do with myself if I wasn't working. Makes sense growing up with a workaholic dad... Turns out free time is amazing! I've never really set my worth based on my job alone, as I know many do, but still had no idea what I'd do with the time. Recovery has helped with resting and therapy taking up time but taking up new activities (like blogging, bouldering and roller skating) and having time to walk, read and do yoga has been great.

3. Asking for help feels good

It's always been drilled into me that the best way is just to suck it up and carry on. Asking for help never seemed like an option. I have to say though, once I got the nerve up and asked it felt so bloody good to have help on my side with doctors and therapists.

4. Friends are everything

Credit to my partner who has been amazing through all of this and made a fab travel companion for 3 months but all the love to my brilliant friends - old and new ❤️. This year, time off as well as brutal honesty has really made my existing friendships closer and I've also had time and strength to invest in new amazing friendships. My friends have brought me so much joy, fun, sharing and support during this time and I know the friendships will grow stronger.

5. You don’t have to like parties

Bit of a random one but thought I'd add it. As an introvert and sensitive person I really value deep conversation and hate small talk. I just always thought that you had to like parties. I've gotten to that stage of admitting to myself that I just don't - so there 😂

6. The mind can only be at peace when the body rests

A brilliant quote from Antony Gormley in one of his recent exhibitions. We get so busy living, working, socialising, scrolling etc that we don't stop to feel. So much of our society today is set up to leave us in the unnatural state of being constantly on the go and, let's face it, always a bit uncomfortable. I realised I'd ignored various levels of distress just to keep going.

7. It's not selfish to put yourself first

I've always found it hard to set boundaries both in my relationships and at work. This was due to a combination of things including people pleasing, low self worth and a fear of rejection/not being good enough (oh yeah, I've got ALL the issues 😂). This year, through therapy and internal work I've found myself able to start setting boundaries! It's going to be a long journey and I'm definitely making mistakes along the way but once you start putting yourself first if actually feels good!

8. It's good to cry!

We get told from an early age not to cry, to be 'a big girl/boy' and as a society get very uncomfortable around tears. I've realised that I cry for various reasons but a main one is nervous system regulation. Everyone has different regulation mechanisms and this is mine. I also cry when talking about how I feel, especially if the person I'm talking to is sympathetic as well as when I feel truly seen, not something I'm used to I guess.

9. You are not your thoughts and feelings

Definitely one I'm still working on - having not really felt any feelings for a VERY long time I had to start at the basic level of learning to feel. A feelings wheel helped a lot! Once that was opened, the feelings started to come through thick and fast which has been overwhelming but brilliant. I've realised how much I've blocked out over the years and having to now go back and actually process stuff. Now that the feelings are here the next step has been to feel them fully, accept them and that they are transient. Every once in a while I find the quiet space 'above the clouds' of thoughts and feelings and through meditation I'm working on finding that space more often and the acceptance that the thoughts don't define me.

10. You are your work

I love this saying - 'You are not your job, you are your work'. Your work should always be to dig deeper into yourself, to learn, to observe, to better. Only you can make your own head a nicer place to reside. This does take time, commitment and headspace though which can be hard to find in our busy society. Taking time out, if situation and resources allows, can be a great way to find the space to do this

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