Meditation - How to meditate with a busy/neurodiverse mind

We all know how good meditation is for us but man, is it hard! For the past 2-3 months I’ve been trying a variety of meditations and guides and wanted to share some of the experience with you.

Why meditate

The benefits of meditation are vast from being a better student, having a younger brain, preventing rumination, being happier, having better sex (woohoo!), being a better romantic partner, worker, friend etc. There is a great article on Positive Psychology which is well worth a read which sets out all of the various benefits and evidence better than I ever could - check it out!

For me, I wanted to get better control of my mind. My mind is super busy and often goes all over the place. I think in narrative mostly but can also think in images but less easily, my visual imagination isn’t great. This way of thinking makes me very efficient and I can process information quickly. I spend most of my time thinking and planning (even when I shouldn’t be) which definitely contributed to my burnout.

I want to learn to calm this mess in my head and also stop ruminating - I can quite easily get stuck on a thought or thing I’ve done/conversation I’ve had for hours on end…not great for sleeping (for me and my partner who has to put up with my tossing and turning)!

What I also realised is that I’ve got a strong inner critic but am not always able to pick up on the thought, passing so quickly through my mind - for example about a simple mistake made, something I’ve said or how I look (yeah might as well throw some body issues in there for fun!). The same goes for anxiety - I’ve spent a large part of the last 15 years feeling anxious and not really knowing why which is not a fun way to spent your life really (look out for a post on this soon). I was/am hoping that mindfulness and meditation may help with all of this - the science says it can…

Learning to meditate

I guess this is my second start meditating as I tried a number of years ago but it didn’t stick sadly. This time around my GP recommended a book with an 8 week course to follow. This is the one I used which also came with online recorded meditations. There are lots of different ones out there as well as physical courses to follow in a classroom type setting. I thought this book seemed like a good option so bought the book and tried it out. Week by week it builds your practise starting with a body scan and short sitting meditations. As the weeks go by moving through different meditation types including stretching/moving meditation, walking meditation etc.

I have to admit I only made it to week 4…I had the best intentions and plenty of time being off work but it just didn’t gel with me for some reason. I think I found it a bit daunting (it was suggesting about 40 mins per day. Also, to be honest I wasn’t getting good at it quickly enough so my inner perfectionist, who is normally good at most things, lost interest. I’ve done the same with running, it’s annoying.

When you start out it’s also really boring! This is normal considering the amount of stuff we throw at our attention spans these days with phones, music, tv etc (sometimes all at once) and just takes some getting used to - apparently should even become something we crave over time - clearly I’m not there yet!

I’m aware that I’ve got a fair few neurodivergent traits and wondering if this is impacting my ability to meditate. In doing a bit of research it does seem that neurodiverse people may need different aids and more focus on their senses - this seems to really work for me! I found this short article really helpful.

Practically meditating has also been a learning process, mainly on where and how to sit. I find I fall asleep if I lie down so tried to sit but got a tight hip (oh wow, I sound old!) and find I can’t do the cross-legged thing for too long (yoga to the rescue hopefully). At the burnout retreat they had mats and cushions where I found kneeling really good but struggled to replicate this at home. In the end I’ve invested in a rolled cushion mat and a meditation bench which seem to work a treat! Still not great at the meditating but I’m definitely more comfortable.

With the book not working for me I’ve now moved onto Headspace (for the second time) and am finding it helpful, if not a bit sad to be repeating the basics for a second time. Obviously it’s not free but also not crazy expensive so it seemed like a worthwhile investment to get a years’ subscription and try again. The basic courses on there are really helpful, you can pick the session length and teacher, and there are about a months worth of daily sessions of basic breathing meditation. What is great though is the library of other things you get with it like affirmations, music, sleep aids, yoga etc. The library they’ve built over the past few years is really impressive and gives you loads to work with!

So far I’m about halfway through the basics (again) and also trying out some of the sleep meditations.

So, what’s changed?

My meditation is still definitely a work in progress…I still don’t yearn to sit on the mat and relish the quiet. I am finding that retaining focus is becoming a bit easier (still only doing short 10 minute meditations) and that tuning in to my senses is helpful. I especially get very present with birdsong and find I can stay tuned into this for a long time. I also quite enjoy a walking body scan - working my way from my toes to the top of my head feeling each body part in turn as I walk. Although I probably mostly like the multitasking of this as it covers two activities in one!

I am finding that I now am more able to tune into my thoughts and feelings and I don’t feel as disassociated as I used to. I’m not sure if this is the mindfulness or the fact that I’ve not been distracted by work and other stresses recently. I’m hoping it carries on as I go back to some kind of work and will incorporate it into my daily routine.