Sharpham House - A ‘retreat virgin’ experience

I’ve never been to a retreat before, never had any group therapy and am generally not great at sharing feelings or crying in public but yet booked in to go to a burnout retreat Sharpham House - what could possibly go wrong!? 😂

During my burnout period I found Sharpham Trust and House by chance scrolling online for retreats and was immediately intrigued - they had such a wide variety of retreats and locations around their estate but the burnout retreat appealed to me the most so I booked in for the 5 days, 4 night retreat at the end of June 2023.

I was really rather nervous heading to Devon, with the added burnout anxiety playing with my mind, but the scenic train ride from London, stunning walk to the estate and the warm welcome I got at arrival helped.

The place is stunning, the private rooms (I cannot sleep at the best of times so private rooms are a must) comfortable and simple, bathroom only shared between 2 rooms (I was hesitant about shared bathrooms so this was a nice surprise), the grounds are peaceful and beautifully tended with tranquil gardens and calming pool.

As we gathered for the first session my anxiety got worse - we were clearly going to have to sit round in a circle and share our feelings - quite an obvious part of a retreat but I’d not really thought about it. As someone not great at expressing/processing emotion especially in front of strangers this filled me with dread - 'I’m not one of those people with feelings, hugging strangers and crying'...

Sophy and Barry were the two facilitators for the week and straight away put everyone at ease. They held space easily and beautifully and through some (non painful) ice breakers got us all feeling at ease and speaking to each other.

They shared the programme for the week, quite a full one including movement, meditation, silence, alone time and burnout theory but made it very clear that participants should never feel obliged to attend. The beauty of this place is that you can chose what’s right for you at any time. If you need to sleep for 36 hours you can, if you need to walk the grounds or swim, you do that. I attended most of the sessions and found them all super helpful.

I have to admit it took me a couple of days to settle into the place with a couple of sleepless nights but after that I felt totally at home, walking around barefoot all day, enjoying the totally amazing vegetarian food, constant supply of tea and biscuits, making a couple of friends for life, eating all meals outside with stunning views and walking the grounds.

What stuck for me

Quite early on we got onto the topic of grief as Sophy runs grief retreats and does a lot of great work in this space. This really hit home for me and I realised that I have been covering my grief though busyness in various ways (both socially and professionally). Looking back on my behaviours since my mum passed away 10 years ago really brought this home - I never really processed this grief, I didn't know how.

We had a really powerful grief session during the week outside under a beautiful ancient oak tree making offerings and sharing our grief. Throughout I had to fight every single urge in my body which just wanted to run! Knowing I’d have to stand in front of a group of people, speak about my mum whilst crying was absolutely mortifying. But, I did it! I cried in front of strangers - full on 'ugly crying' (we really need to get rid of that term!) to the point where I could barely speak, spoke about my mum, made an offering and took up all offers of hugs from everyone in the group and it was glorious 🥰.

It was a rough hour emotionally but amazing. Sophy held the space beautifully and the group felt so supportive, knowing we were all there for each other and in it together irrespective of what our grief was about. After I was so emotionally drained and my body was shouting at me to get in water and I had THE BEST bath I’ve ever had!

So many of the sessions during the week were really helpful. They shared that “burnout is overriding signals of distress” which really hit home! I’d not been feeling anything for years and had been ignoring all signals of tiredness and needs to rest.

We worked through our drivers for burnout, exhaustion funnels (setting out what drains us and also on the other side what replenishes us), did exercises thanking other participants for what they brought and considered systems that keep us safe. All of this was so useful and I took a great deal away from it!

Daily we had mindful movement and meditations - all guided, some sitting, some walking and exploring nature. My favourite meditations were one walking around the gardens, following our senses to explore the nature around us; a meta meditation on compassion and one based on radical compassion by Joan Halifax (a Zen Buddhist teacher - look her up!). I find the meditation and mindfulness really hard with a super busy mind but the retreat helped me really explore some different kinds of meditation to discover what works.

Conclusions

I had a really powerful realisation at Sharpham (as well as the grief one) that actually I am 'one of those people' with feelings who can share them with people and be vulnerable and that’s ok! Not coming from a household that expressed emotions or talked about feelings I now know I’ve been holding back for my whole life and actually am a really sensitive person who cries with any strong emotion. This has lead me to question my self beliefs and image which is now shifting to someone both strong, direct and vulnerable, emotional - the two can definitely exist together! 😎

Sharpham was transformational and one of the hardest yet most rewarding weeks of my life❤️ I'd definitely recommend it!

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